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elijahkrantz:

I found out santa wasnt real because I got a spy kit that christmas so i fingerprinted my mom and matched it to the fingerprints i dusted on the milk mug i left out… Im on that next level shit


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partybarackisinthehousetonight:

uh yeah i’m a pretty big history buff *picks up rock* this has probably been here for a long time. *touches ground* old people once stood on this ground. maybe even dinosaurs


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tastefullyoffensive:

"I nominate Mona Lisa and the Girl with the Pearl Earring." [via]

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  • waitress: i'm sorry we're all out of mozzarella sticks
  • waitress: sir please stop cyring

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